admiration

Words demand explanation. They require analysis. They are the construction & expression of my thoughts, of my heart. But they can't describe it. They can't tell u how deep the memories are, or how often i think of them. They can't scream what i really wanna say. They are the mask of how i really feel and they try to disguise the pain, but someone will strip it away. And someone will make those words worthless.

So what is a word worth? Nothing. What are those three words worth? Nothing. But we say them anyway. You know when i say i love u, i really mean it, but that those three words can't describe what it is we have. When i say u're special, i know the word is just a cover, a quick way for me to remember all the things that amaze me about u, a mask for the memories we share, a disguised version of our times together. And when i say i miss u, it's not just that. I miss every hugs we shared, every cuddling-time i had with u, basically every moment i've experienced with u. But none of them really mean anything, because words are based on trust, they rely on how truly and deeply we feel. Remember, always, that they don't mean anything, they are letters and they are constructions, but we deconstruct them every day and we twist them. We manipulate them so that they say what we want them to. But no word, no shape, no photograph could ever twist so far that it could begin to explain even a little bit of how i feel about u.

The distance (which is not that far though..) does keep us apart, but there's not a minute during the day that slips by without u being on my mind. And when i meet u, it's funny how i'm still missing u even though we're together. How i always love coming home with my cloth that smells like ur scent. I experienced sitting beside u, just doing nothing and yet i felt completely happy. You're probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. You showed me something new and something beautiful. I never thought i would ever feel this way about someone again, i figured i'd just always settle. But u proved everything i've ever thought, wrong. I miss u so much when u aren't with me, but i live for the weekends that i know i'll get to see u. I hate seeing other couples on my school, holding hands and doing everything that they probably take for granted together. But i'd rather go crazy over distance with u than have it easy with anyone else. I'm staying and not going anywhere. (a little) Distance is hard, but we've been through worse before. I hope this is it, because i honestly can't ever see myself finding someone better for me.